10000 BC: A mindless, insipid waste of time

Duration: 1 hr 50 min.

What a disaster of a movie to come from Roland Emmerich, the man who has given the likes of 'The Independence Day' and 'The Day After Tomorrow'. Do not even consider watching this stupid, nonsensical, and bland movie, which is full of mammoths, and, for that matter, their shit. You actually don't get to see the shit, but feel you are slithering down the piles of it as the movie progresses. Horrible script, eminently forgettable characters, armies of demented tribes (who keep on rambling nonsense, which is supposedly their language), and lackluster direction make this my candidate for the worst movie of the year award.

Coming to be touted as having out-of-the-world computer-graphics effects, I was pained to say they are extremely poorly handled. Mammoths do make a lot of noise, but not even one scene make you feel on the edge of the seat. The giant Sabre tooth is actually a pussy who just happens to roar. And creatures which run amok in the jungles are extremely irritating..you feel like quashing one and then pee on it.

If you have read this far, I am sure you have already chosen to make you weekend much more happening by choosing to sleep. However, if you still wanna try out 10000 BC, I just have to say, "Watch out! You'll actually get to know the taste of shit."

National Treasure: Book of Secrets -- A Thoroughly Entertaining Joyride

Nicholas Cage, in his role of Benjamin Gates, is back to hunting down the treasure of even vaster proportions, this time fueled by the desire to absolve his sullied family name in being a conspirator to the killing of America's favorite president, Abraham Lincoln.

The film opens with a post-Civil War peaceful, sedate evening in 1865 becoming one of the landmarks-- tainty as it may be-- in the history, what with Lincoln being shot in head in a theatre. In another place, a highly skilled cryptologist cum puzzle solver is asked to solve a coded message, who manages to smell a rat in the whole thing. The cryptologist, manages to solve the puzzle but throws the paper in fire instead of parting with solution, as he knows its about a treasure that Confederates want to get hold of. He is shot before his son, but not before he tells his son "The debt that all men pay."

Cut to circa 2007. Benjamin Gates is addressing a conference on Civilian Heroes, along with his father. Mitch Wilkinson (Ed Harris) produces the half-burned page that bears a name, Thomas Gates, the great-great grandfather of Ben, and accuses Gates' great-great grandfather of hatching the plot to kill the President. Ben's father is extremely hurt at this family name being tarnished with such accusation, which everyone seems to have started believing. The only option before Ben to prove his great-great Grandfather not guilty, is to actually track down the Gold treasure -- the treasure that he has to find using only a half-burnt piece of paper and the last words that his great-great grandfather spoke to his son. Thus, begins a treasure chase -- assisted by his friend, girlfriend and now-estranged Dad and Mom-- that goes across countries from Eiffel Tower in Paris to Buckingham Palace in Britain to the Oval Office in Washington DC to the Library of Congress to Mount Rushmore. Ben craftily wades his way through all the trouble and of course finds the treasure, to eventually clear his family name. But not before, he survives near death on many occasions.

The movie delivers what it promises. The action is not superlative, but sufficiently fast-paced and adrenalin-pumping to keep you on the edge of your seat. Cage carries the movie on his shoulders, and is able supported by his co-actors. But still, take out Cage, and I might just not go to the movie. Such is Cage's panache, his effortless dialogue delivery, he makes the movie
an absolute must watch. How many actors in the world can deliver the following lines with as flawless an ease as Cage on being asked how is he doing -- "Well, My girlfriend has kicked me out. I am staying with my father. And, my family lineage has been accused of being conspirators to Lincoln's murder." No one, but king Cage only. Subtle as well as profound, humor runs throughout the film. There is even a lesson for Americans trying to drive in Britain!

The film is full of smart-ass tricks as well as nail-biting sequences (watch the sequence where four people are perched atop a dobble-dabble rectangular block, and everyone, including the bad guy, Mitch Wilkinson, must co-ordinate with each other in balancing the stone, lest all of them are hurled down the dark abyss - an absolutely gripping sequence.) Cage also manages to kidnap USA's president (with full support from the President), and obtain the address of an arcane book of secrets handed down from one president to another, and which stores the darkest of secrets of American history.

This one is not to be missed at any cost. No profanities, just good clean entertainment, which will set your pulse racing. Still pandering to your weekend relaxation watching TV? Go, get a life - Watch National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

I Am Legend: Review

One word review -- Avoidable.

The movie is about an anti-cancer measles virus gone horribly wrong (where else but in New York). The virus turns humans into blood-seeking canines/vampires. And the only one surviving is Dr. Robert Neville (Will Smith) and his dog, Sam. Lions and Deers roam freely in the streets of New York, with bushes right in the middle of the roads of the Big Apple.

Neville wants to find the cure to the virus so that he may turn the vampires back into humans. And for that, he keeps on hunting vampires from their dark, mushy abodes, where sunlight can't reach. The moment these vampires are in contact with UV rays, they are dead. Neville hunts them during daytime and reaches his house before sunset, as these vampires are on prowl at night.

Neville keeps on hunting them, and being hunted by them, till one day he gets the surprise of his life...another surviving human, which tells him another surprising fact. Things lead to a point where Neville has to decide as to whether he save himself or sacrifice himself.

The movie has been shot beautifully and some of the sequences are simple yet make an impact.
There is a particular sequence wherein the sun is about to set with these human-turned-vampires have succeeded in injuring Dr. Neville, and nearly get him. The scene is riveting, with the sun fast going down and these vampires just waiting to attack Neville. However, most of the time, it is mindlessly shrieking, howling and masticating zombies. In spite of roughly 90 minutes, the movie seems like a drag. You can predict certain things, and feel Will Smith is being wasted. The little Shrek sequence is nice.

All in all, you just may want to have a look if you have nothing else to do. Nothing more than that. Certainly not worthwhile spending 150 bucks on a Wednesday night 11:00 Pm show...Yawn!

Beowulf: Compellingly Stunning

Stunning animation and beyond. Go, watch. That's for those of you who like it short.

Beowulf, bringing life to a historical legend, adds another breathtaking dimension to computer-generated-animation-movies genre. The animated actors seem so very realistic, be it their expressions, the dialogues they mouth, or grandly shot (oops! created) action sequences. And coming from Robert Zemeckis, of Forrest Gump fame, it is another shining diamond in his crown.
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Talking about story, there isn't much to write home about. A simple story set in a sixth century Danish Kingdom. The kingdom is cursed by a monster, Grendel (Crispin Glover), who just rips apart people's limbs like tissue. The opening sequence, where king Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) and his people are indulging in merry making and fornication, is complete gore (but a treat to watch) when angry Grendel comes and turns the place laden with limbs, heads and bodies strewn over. However, strangely, when challenged by old and incapacitated king Hrothgar, Grendel retreats.

Enter Beowulf (Ray Winstone) from a distant land, who declares that he'll kill the monster. The king trusts him and Beowulf succeeds in dismembering an arm of Grendel, effectively leading Grendel to his death. Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie) revenges by slaughtering almost all of Beowulf's men. So, the mother itself must be killed. And so goes the great warrior, Beowulf, to kill the monster mommy. A stunning beauty, Grendel's mother, sets Beowulf's testosterones level running super high, persuades him to bear his child and, in return, promises to make him the greatest king ever in the history.

Beowulf comes back to Hrothgar and declares he has killed both Grendel and his mother. Hrothgar lauds his efforts publicly, however, personally he is assured that he hasn't killed the monster's mother. He makes Beowulf the king, as he has no heir, and then immediately jumps off the castle to his death. Beowulf comes to know that Grendel was Hrothgar's son. Beowulf becomes an all-conquering king, establishing his authority everywhere. However, in his old years now, he is increasingly getting disillusioned by senseless murdering just to have his rein all over. And one day, the terror strikes the kingdom again, this time in the form of a monster dragon. And who is this monster now -- his own son. History repeating itself. Now, he must kill the monster to protect his people. He does so, and when dying makes his faithful lieutinent the king, who eventually is serenaded by the monster mother again. And that's where the movie ends.

Apart from eyeball-popping effects, the movie also takes a dab at today's world's scenario -- that of we creating our own monsters and then eventually paying a huge price to get rid of them.

You cannot comment on the performances as these are not flesh-and-blood actors, but a very,very-realistic digital equivalents. Still, certain moments, especially the one where Hrothgar asks Beowulf whether he has actually killed the monster mother, does not lack even a bit in terms of expressions, the minor twitch, raised eyebrow, the quivering lips, and questioning and hapless look on the actors' faces -- it all looks stupendously real.

You might be offended by explicit nudity in certain sequences. However, full frontal nudity has been cleverly avoided by strategically placing things.

Coming to action sequences, the last scene involving battle between Beowulf with his monster sun, is probably one of the most breathtaking sequences ever recorded on 35 mm.

Parents be advised that the movie is extremely high on sexual and barbaric content. Don't be convinced that since it's animation, it's not anything real; it is as real as it gets. The movie might have been been rated PG13 in America, but might be disturbing enough even for some of the grown ups.

All in all, a grand treat to watch. It's all animation, yet so very realistic. Amaze yourself with this pure action adventure, that has just raised the bar many notches higher in animation genre.

Hollywood movies reviews from an Indian Perspective

Hi !

I am Vivek. My blog is intended to provide an independent, unbiased and comprehensive review of Hollywood movies that are released in India. I hope the blog would help you make your decision whether to watch a Holly release, or instead prefer the afternoon nap.


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